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they're bored
by Raven

PG, gen. Originally written for Hathor. Daniel and Jack are bored. Somehow related to A Most Unusual Family.

Daniel was reading. Which was not, by itself, an unusual occurrence.

But he was wearing desert cammos, was carrying a sidearm in its usual place, and was sitting on the floor of a Goa’uld cargo ship, which was more of an unusual occurrence.

Beside him, Jack was rooting through his pack, muttering darkly under his breath. Some minutes of this prompted Daniel to lift his head and ask wearily, “Jack, what are you doing?”

“Look at this,” Jack said without lifting his head. “Rations, first-aid stuff, GDO…

“Check, check, check...” Daniel muttered.

“Yeah, always be prepared and all of that. But a book?” He lifted it out of the pack. “In case galactic exploration suddenly turns out to be boring?”

“We’re hardly exploring when we know exactly where we’re going,” Daniel pointed out. “And we knew this would be a boring trip. That’s why I brought a book.” He held it out as he spoke. “And presumably, that’s why you brought one too.”

“Carter suggested I bring mission reports,” Jack told him. “Mission reports. She said, and I quote, ‘You’ll have plenty of time to catch up with your paperwork.’ Paperwork. You save the planet, and for what? Paperwork!”

“But you didn’t actually take her advice,” Daniel said soothingly. “Talking of Sam, what’s she doing?”

“She’s holed up with the hyperdrive, writing her book about wormhole physics,” Jack responded. “Any readers of which she will have to shoot.”

“She’s a good shot.”

“Indeed.” Jack blinked. “I’ve been spending too much time with Teal’c.” He paused. “And before you ask, Teal’c and Jacob are playing at being pilots.”

“Playing at it?”

“Well, yeah. This is Asgard-protected space. It’s a matter of pointing the ship in the right direction and waiting until we hit things.”

“Such as the beta-site?”

“That’s right. Which is full of scientists, which we will now have to rescue, because...”

“Their Stargate has fallen down,” they chorused.

“We’re supposed to be the flagship team,” Jack groused. “So they stick us in a cargo ship for... how long is it?”

“Thirty hours. Which is why I brought a book.”

“Huh.” Jack abruptly withdrew and grabbed his own book. “Guess I’ll read, then.”

Daniel lifted his eyes ever-so-slightly to watch Jack as he settled down with the volume. After he was satisfied he wouldn’t be interrupted again, he went back to his own reading.

After a moment, Jack asked, “What ya readin’?”

Daniel sighed and turned the book so its cover faced the other way.

Soul Music,” Jack read. “Sounds weird.”

“It’s a Discworld book, Jack. British fantasy series.”

“British fantasy?” Jack repeated, and held up his own book. “Like this?”

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” Daniel read. “Yeah, like that. Discworld is the grown-up version.”

“Grown-up version?” Jack glared at him.

“What? No, I didn’t mean it like that...”

“Oh, yes you did, Dr Jackson. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some reading to do.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, and I’ll prove it to you,” Daniel stated. “Look at this.” He was pointing to one of the illustrations within the book. “Does that remind you of anyone?”

“Yeah... Harry Potter. Wrong book, surely?”

“I’ve always thought,” said Daniel in the tone of one imparting a grave secret, “that Ponder Stibbons is Harry Potter grown up.”

“Ponder Stibbons being that guy? No...” – Jack shifted across as to wave his hands around more effectively – “I’ll tell you what. That guy is the son of Harry Potter. Definitely.”

Daniel shook his head. “Nah, don’t see it.”

“No, wait for it… Neville Longbottom. The boy with the frog.”

“It’s a toad.”

“I knew you’d read those books!”

Daniel blinked. “Never said I hadn’t. But no, Ponder Stibbons is not Neville’s son. That wouldn’t work.”

“No, wait for it.” Jack put his head on one side. “That guy...”


“...yeah, him – he’s the son of Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom.”

Daniel stared at him. “Slight anatomical problem there, don’t you think?”

“Daniel, I never had you figured as a homophobe.”

“Jack, I’m an academic, a civilian and I voted Democrat. Of course I’m not a
homophobe. But I did do high school biology. There are certain things that are just
not possible.”

“One would think,” said Jack evenly, “that it wasn’t possible to die more than once. To become Neanderthals overnight. To cure cancer. To travel to other planets.”

Daniel grinned. “Point taken. However, I stand by my original point – Ponder Stibbons is not the son of Harry Potter.”

“Why not?”

“Because he just isn’t. How would he have got to the Discworld? It’s a completely different world, and besides it’s flat, balanced on four elephants on top of a giant turtle.”

“Maybe it has a Stargate.”

“Possibly in the Abydos cartouche? How would we know?”

“We could check to see if any of them have a point of origin that’s a turtle.”

“Ah, now you’re just getting silly.”

“Sillier than four elephants and a giant turtle?”

“What is?” asked a new voice. Jacob Carter strolled in with a smile.

“Jack,” said Daniel smoothly.

“Ah,” Jacob responded, hiding the smile. “Well, boys, we’re nearly there. Sam and Teal’c are getting us into orbit as we speak.”

Groaning as his knees clicked, Jack swung to his feet. Daniel inserted a bookmark delicately into place and did the same.

Jacob entered the flight deck of the tel’tak first. He was closely followed by Daniel and Jack, who were just in time to hear the last of the conversation Teal’c and Sam had been having.

“That would be anatomically implausible, Major Carter.”

“What would?” Daniel asked.

Anyone on the planet below could see the ship curve down gracefully through the atmosphere and after several minutes, came to a gentle stop close to the outpost. The buried Stargate was just visible as a horizontal circle near at hand.

The doors lifted open and SG-1 emerged. Strangely enough, Daniel, Teal’c and Sam were all smiling broadly.

Behind them, Jack could be heard yelling, “What do you mean, me and Thor!

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